Jokes

 

The other day, while I was seeing my shrink, he asked me what I looked for in a woman.

Naturally I replied, "Big tits."

He said, "No, I meant for a serious relationship."

So I said, "Oh, seriously big tits."

"No, no, no. I mean what do you look for in the one woman you want to spend the rest of your life with?"

He looked at me kind of worried as I just sat there on his couch laughing until my gut hurt.

"Spend the rest of my life with one woman? No woman's tits are that big."

A guy boards a plane bound for Pittsburgh and sits down in his seat. He notices immediately that the guy next to him has a black eye. He says to him," hey this is a coincidence, we both have black eyes, mind if I ask how you got yours? "

The first guy answers, "Well, it just happened. It was a tongue twister accident. See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with the biggest breasts in the world was behind the counter. So, instead of saying I'd like a ticket to Pittsburgh, I said I'd like a picket to Tittsburgh. She socked me one."

The other guy answers, "Mine was a tongue twister too.. I was at the breakfast table and I wanted to say to my wife: Please pour me a bowl of Wheaties. But I accidentally said: You ruined my life you fucking bitch."

Dear Abby,

My boyfriend is not happy with my mood swings. The other day, he bought me
a mood ring so he would be able to monitor my moods. When I'm in a good
mood it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood it leaves a big fucking red
mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond.

Sincerely,
Bitchy in Boston

Garfield - Boobies - Made you smile

 

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